It's my mothers birthday today, and I want to take the time to honour her and my mother lineage, and all the women working to transform our culture back into wholeness and aliveness.
My mother doesn't really like her birthday, and I can understand why: Her coming into this world has been her greatest trauma, with a doctor giving a sedative to her mother while in labor that is used to put people into coma. When you're almost thrown out of this life just while making your way into it - can you imagine how hard it must be to sense yourself at home in your body and in this world?
I want to honor my mother for being strong as a tree, working her way through layers and layers of (birth) trauma bubbling up over the course of her life, while following a mysterious thread in her life that led her to becoming a healer herself, a tireless researcher in the field of holistic health that has by now supported hundreds of people on their way toward wholeness and aliveness, people who've been let down or even wounded by our conventional medical system.
I would not be the woman I am today without my mother. She has given so much in raising me in a way that held space for my inner impulses, would honour my individuality, and that would protect me as much as possible from any form of "hard" medical interventions.
I learned from her to look at this world, our culture and myself in an "unconventional" way, asking the uncomfortable questions, not fearing to dive into the depth of not-knowing, to open up to mystery, with an unshakeable optimism that what presents itself (as a health challenge, as a feeling state, as a seemingly unsolvable problem) would always make sense once we understand its root cause. I've learned from her to trust my body and soul, no matter what, and yes, to even trust what we call "illness".
To trust that there is always life force wanting to find its way through, and that once we see, accept and transform the deep conditioning that blocks it, our bodies, minds and souls will naturally re-balance and find back into a state of wholeness. I've experienced a hundred times for myself that it works. It's not the easy path, but it works. Probably not in the way that I expected, because healing doesn't mean controlling life. It means to surrender. To even surrender the expectation that "it will work".
And yet, I also honor my mother and my mother lineage by seeing that there was failure, too. Ways of relating that conditioned me in ways that I still struggle to let go. Rolemodeling that didn't serve me in stepping into my wild power as a woman. I honor all of that by doing (and being) what I can to transform and transcend these patterns. To make compost of all the sh*t that women since centuries are carrying, and that has been handed to me (surely not with intention, but from own unconscious wounding).
Honouring my lineage and my ancestors doesn't mean I should just step into their footsteps and carry on what they built. It means to understand more and more who I am in my essence, beside the conditioning, what really really matters to me, and I select carefully what I wish to cultivate and to carry on, what I wish to transform, and what I just wish to leave behind.
My mother has given this message to me as a gift for my life. As fertile ground that I can grow on.
Danke, Ma, für deinen unendlichen Mut und dein Vertrauen ins Leben.