Opening and closing in love



You feel in love?

That’s beautiful. Without any intention to question your feeling, or to dim your brightness, I would like to take a closer look at this state of being in love.


My own journey in the last year led me from a ten-year relationship into several „falling in love“ situations which did not result in longer relationships, and finally into an intense one-year relationship from which I just separated. Also I found myself in situations where someone was sending signals of being in love towards me – and I did not know how to handle it well without closing myself and withdrawing from contact.


So what happens actually when we feel in love?


Our hearts have been touched through another being, and they open up. Sometimes they just open an inch more, sometimes they suddenly feel wide open, without any boundary. And, at least from my female experience, my being becomes like a magnet which wants to receive. My whole being invites, even if sometimes my mind resists.


It’s a beautiful state of permeability, a state that allows me to be in touch with the outside. And – if I would live in a constant state of trust – it would be my natural state. A state of wonder and awe and willingness to receive and interact.


But as most of us walk through the world with a protective hard shell around their hearts, this opening feels like suddenly being able to breathe again, like a rush of life through our dense and numb state of being.


Seize the moment and notice: You are capable of feeling like that – wide open heart, receptive and invitational presence. It’s you who has opened up.


What usually happens in the next step, maybe even within milliseconds is this: Interpretation and projection. You look out onto that person which „caused“ this opening in your heart and you draw a conclusion: „You do this to me.“ You make an „if-then“ equation: If I am with this person, then my heart opens up. And as a result you feel like you need (to be with) them.


And that’s where the whole story begins… no matter if you „come together“ or if your „love is rejected“, many times it ends in a similar logic: Your heart again got touched through that person – just in an unexpected way, and so something in you closes. Again you make an interpretation: „You do this to me.“ And the equation: If I am with this person, my heart closes.


You can choose to practice letting go of your projection – both in „positive“ and „negative“ sense.


This is a path that can lead to an awareness of the greater love that flows through you all the time – and how your heart is opening and closing constantly, like a butterfly opens and closes its wings, a movement that allows you to fly through the currants of life.


And maybe you can even feel that closing in itself is not a „bad thing“. It’s the process that allows you to feel the difference, to learn about yourself and about this being human. Feel it all, and move on with grace to the next moment, where it might all change.

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